I am a survivor of early childhood sexual trauma. After it stoped my memory of is was locked away in a memory vault at the end of long dark tunels guarded by guilt and shame.
yet there were symptoms
there were neurophysiological impacts
I was like many male survivors of csa not opening the memory vault until middle age.
As one wise perceptive Christian counsellor said
"When the pain exceeds the shame"
Throughout my life many Pastors have given me ministry eg during preaching or a wise word.
During my recovery many Pastors have ministered to me.
The aim of my site is to inform and equip Pastors.
My model is an interdisciplinary team.
where Pastors are a key pat of the team
sexual assault counsellors, Psychologits and Counsellors, provioding narative therapy
trauma releasing therapies physiotherapy, trauma informed remedial massage
EFT ( Emotional Freedom Technique) or taping EDMR etc because "The Body Remembers" Barbette Rothchild
and "The body keeps the score" Bessel Van Der Kolk
NICAM have many on line Seminars
I could not have walked my Journey of Recovery without the Lord's strength and leading ( Proverbs 3 v 6)
yes I have got much flack for taking and testifying of the Lord's great salvation. it's worth it.
A few years ago I concluded each survivor is different
there are common themes yet significant differences in the dynamics and our reaction to the sexual trauma / abuse our survival and recovery
I acknowledge those who did not survive.
I discourage difinitiveness. what works for an individual should not be universally applied.
Recovery takes years in my case decades ad is ongoing
one step at a time.
trauma being released from our mind and body one step at a time
A Christian male survivor wisely said " recovery is a part of sanctification" ( for Christian survivors walking the road of recovery)
it's complex
sometimes the abuser set booby traps
My testimony is that the powerfull love of God casts out fear and or trauma.
yet some are traped we need help to be freed from the snare.
we were sinned against, often betrayed often overpowered our min and body manipulated
leaving us in bondage in body mind soul
it seems overwhelming it is in many cases particularly complex trauma
yet "All things are possable with Jesus"
one step at a time
being available as ministers of the most high God.
there is much more
my introduction is to argue there is a place for trauma informed Pastoral Care as part opf an interdisciplinary team.
and..
our memories get triggered. a present word or sound or sight reminds us, actually triggering , setting off the memory
of a past traumatic event which is actually felt sometimes the mind or body or both re experience the past traumatic event
and therapy is needed Sexual assault helplines have often helped.
in fact I first used the term "applied redemptive theology" when talking to helplines
talking to secular counsellors explaining my Christian framework.
In one forum a secular social worker tried to bully me demanding "compassion without the God talk" really?
Compassion comes from the Lord. He is loving gracious and compassionate.
God is love.
secular counsellors talk of "empathy" not compassion.
The Lord gave me a wise reply.
'It is a matter of copyright. They are not my insights"
Proverbs 3 v 6 is clear.
I acknowledge the Lord I trust the Lord He directs my path.
Recently a young Pastor walked with me a reliving experience releasing the child within.
when we reached the place of safety I had longed for as a child we sat he gave me time I felt such peace.
Introducing Ministry to survivors of sexual abuse or victims of violance
Jesus read Isaiah 61 then said this has come to pass.
It is Jesus Christ who heals the broken hearted and sets the captives free.
Foundational Model of ministry to those sinned against
The Parable of the Good Samaritian
serves as a model for ministry to those sinned against
Trigger warning
This site might not be helpful to survivors of clergy abuse. You may find these sites helpful
What to avoid
- presumption
- arguing from the particular to the general
- demanding forgiveness
- quick fixes
- authoritianism ( it may retraumatise)
- cultural conformity
- judging survival strategies
These responses have harmed survivors
and been a set back.
I am personally aware of examples.
It is helpful to :
- Be patient
- Be gentle
- compassionate
- humble
- a listener
Sexual assault is not mainly woman being sexually abused by men.
that myth was based on the REPORTED CASES when woman were more likely to report
and when men faced barriers to report and were too embarased to report.
It is estimated that in in 6 men and 25% woman
have been sexually abused by the age of 16.
there has been a societal denial.
Mandatory Reporting
In many states and countries legislation has been passed making Clergy Mandatory Reporters
once we receive a disclosure, The disclosure of the crime must be reported:
- to the Police
- and ones Church Child Protection Dept
- sometimes called Professional Standards.
If clergy are not legally required to Mandatory Report I suggest ethically and morally we should.
Many sexual abusers are repeat offenders
We have a Duty of Care to protect others
from repeat offending.
May abusers are unrepentant
and some morally reprobate.
not all abusers were abused
some are plain bullies
who manipulate others.
Our fundamental Christian Message
is to repent from our sin
to find forgiveness
and to obey God's commandments
out of love and gratitude
by His grace.
( not legalism)
here we are not ministering to
repentant sinners
but those
sinned against.
this is our challenge
returning guilt to it's owner
If I'm walking down the street (maintaining 1.5m physical distance)
and wearing my mask
and I see the pedestrian ahead drop $20
I pick it up (whilst wearing my gloves during covid restrictions)
the $20 note is not mine to keep.
I run ahead and hand the $20 note to it's owner. ( at 1m)
It is not mine.
Abusers typically ( but there are variances)
put their guilt in their victim.
but the abuser's guilt and shame
does not belong to them
It should be returned to the abusers.
( even if an imaginary transaction)
Most survivors of sexual abuse
do not become abusers.
- many are hypervigilent
- many are too numb for any sex
"Praise the Lord!
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 147 v1, 3.